devil siouxsie

(no subject)

im all alone and pregnant. what combo. the father resents me because i didnt follow the other 2 girls he impregnated to the chopping block. i went once....and will never again so im having his baby without him. i  recently found a new interest that i thought was looking passed my pregnancy (although i am 5 months and its kinda hard now) but cant stick around long enough for me to actually start feeling uncomfortable as i usually do when things are unusually satisfying. so now im vulnerable and falling towards my weakness, it being synthetic and deadly but its been there for me the last 4 years by this time we've fallen in love. it doesnt matter im locked away in my lair on saturday night making love to the death of my baby, does it?

  • Current Mood
    uncomfortable disillusioned


Towards anything to find anything.
I want something worth looking for.
What have i been talking about?
What am i?
Who am i?
Why do i want to be so better than who i am?
Why am i not content.

Questions are killing me.
I'm drowning myself with them.
I need a way to escape.
get out, get away,
say goodbye,

tell me why erica...why do you want to change?
  • Current Music
    Morning Wood.
I have a Dream

Tattoo Book Responses...Please read

Someone posted in response to my survey this comment. I am not going to name this person, though if she wants to identify herself she surely can. I am very pleased she commented in this vein, as the criticism I've taken for this survey has been very harsh. The responses I've gotten so far (wel over 200) have been wonderful, but I want to address the criticisms.

She wrote:

well i am very concerned about this survey and what effect it is going to have on the mainstream.... for many year we (modded peeps) have been trying to be accepted in the mainstream, to get better jobs to get better pay to get better services and not be looked down on for our mods...i fear if this book comes out it is going to hurt a lot in our culture/community of body will set back our struggle for acceptance a century at least....and just what is heavily modified? i think that is in the eye of the beholder/viewer...even tho i am an older educated woman who is 2/3 covered in ink and over 19 piercings...i do not think of myself as "heavily" modified....i never did self harm to my knowledge...and dont look at tattooing or modifyng my body as self harm.... very concerned about the outcome of this book...sure you may help a few women with this book but overALL i think you will be doing a disservice to the community of body modifications...

Please read my lengthy response after the cut, and please respond with your own thought. I am so serious about this project, and I want it to be right. Any help and constructive criticism is welcomed. The only hurtful things that have been said to me have included name-calling and stuff like that, but these things are easily ignored. I will never ignore conscientious criticism Read more...Collapse )
I have a Dream

Tattoo/piercing survey for women

x-posted to any community interested in tattoos, piercing, self injury, mental illness (especially deperssion)or suicide girls

First, let me introduce myself. My name is Susan Swan; I'm a
professor of English at Marshall University in Huntington, WV. I am heavily tattooed and am/was a self injurerer. This survey asks very personal questions, so please feel free to backchannel me your answers if you would rather do so; my email is:

Although this survey does specifically ask about self-injury and tattoos, I'm also very interested in other reasons that women get tattooed. So please fill out the survey and tell me your reasons for being tattooed/pierced. at least one chapter of my book will focus on reasons other than self-injury. -- Melissa Thompson is my
artist, and she works with Vyvyn Lazonga, one of the very first
female tattoo artists along withy Gypsy Jill and Pat Fish.

Anyway, I"ve been wanting to do research on moderate to heavily tattooed and pierced women
My premise is that many heavily tattooed women were once self-injurers of some type -- that
is, they cut themselves, were addicted to drugs, gambling, spending,
or nicotine, had suicidal thoughts, or caused themselves physical pain
in other ways. My hypothesis is that these women "cure" their
self-injury tendencies by inscribing their body with beauty/pain. The
title of the book will be "From Pain to Beauty: Heavily Tattooed
Women and Inscripted Resistance" or something like that.

For a definition of self-injury followed by the survey, read on: Read more...Collapse )

a... b.. c... d...

I hate it when my parents lie... I know more then they think I know, and I remember more then they know.

e... f... g...
Lately I kept remember this one thing... I'm about 3, and mum's teaching me how to write.
h... i... j... k...
I begin to form the alphabet in my childish handwritting, when suddenly mum's cane come down on the hand I'm writting with.
l... m... n...
I begin to cry. I ask my mother what did I do wrong. She replies it's wrong to write with my left hand.
o... p... q... r... s...
This continues until I learn to write with my right. I still write with my right hand.
t... u... v...
But I'm left sided. I use my left side more then my right.
w... x... y and z...
But I'd forgotten that memory. I just thought I had messy hand writting. But then an old, older friend said something about my left hand... and I remembered. The cane hitting the table. My fingers aching.
Now I know my a-b-c, won't you come and sing along with me?
  • Current Mood
    gloomy gloomy
The Cone Zone.

just wondering....

I joined this community just now, right now just to ask if anyone still posts here. I saw that the last post was from December of 2003, so I didn't know if there was just a lull in posts or something.

But I read through some of the older entries, and, maybe I have problems, maybe I just deal with them the wrong way, but some things people said seemed to be pretty close to things that I feel sometimes. I could relate to a lot of the things, and was just basically wondering what this community was all about, because I think it might be something that could help me at times.

So if anyone still posts here, or reads this, I'd like to know.
sexy drug

Something I wrote today....

xXxXxXx RazoR RazoR xXxXxXx

In my heart,
I feel the pain.
On my mind,
It hurts again.
In my eyes,
Burning tears.

All these years,
All these fears.
All your lies,
All my cries.

Shattered glass,
Broken spirit.
Bloodstained carpet,
With open veins.

Such a desire,
To feel this pain.

I try and try,
And yet,
I can't cope,
Tourturing myself.

You've seen the scars,
And saw the blade,
Denying it all away.

But I still suffer,
Trapped in this world.
You thought I stopped,
But I'm known to lie.

Scarlet, silky,
Sweet and slick.
My beautifully red blood,
So tempting, want a lick?

If I could, you know I'd stop,
But I need this diseased cure.
It feeds my mind,
While it drains,
My lost soul.

So pale, I am, yet again.